Most Tuesdays, I spend a couple of hours with my daughter in the car. Last summer we listened almost exclusively to the Moana soundtrack. One song in particular came on right as we were turning on a country road, and my daughter would ask if we could roll down the windows and turn up the volume. We belted out "I am Moana" One week she asked me to sing the grandmother part and I did; she interrupted and commanded , "No Mommy, you have to sing it to me!"
Sometimes the world seems against you The journey may leave a scar But scars can heal and reveal just Where you are The people you love will change you The things you have learned will guide you And nothing on earth can silence The quiet voice still inside you And when that voice starts to whisper Moana, you've come so far Moana, listen Do you know who you are?
My sweet girl belted out Moana's answer
I am everything I've learned and more Still it calls me And the call isn't out there at all, it's inside me It's like the tide; always falling and rising I will carry you here in my heart you'll remind me That come what may I know the way I am Moana!
I was gobsmacked with a profound understanding, I do not give her anything so doesn't already have and if I am kind and wise she will know she has everything she need inside her.
I then wondered who sang this "song of the ancestors" to me. Who in my life reminded me that I already have all that I need inside me. My Aunt Marilyn immediately came to mind.
I wrote her that night to tell her about our singing and what she means to me and how grateful I was that she had always be kind and wise. I called her when I started thinking about my 50th birthday and how I wanted to commemorate it. I loved the sound of her voice when she heard me on the phone and her response when I asked if she would consider traveling to Scotland with me in the spring.
Marilyn died unexpectedly at the end of the summer. It was devastating. I’ve wanted to update her so many times about what’s going on in my life or to plan our trip, just a quick phone conversation to tell her about the good (or bad) day to day happenings of my life and hear the sound of her voice when she recognized me on the line – how genuinely happy she always was to hear from me. Of course our conversations lasted for hours. Each chat lead to a conversations about life or politics or dreams for the future or how important it is to listen and care for others and expect the best and give the best and set limits and live life without regret.
Today as we were driving, "I am Moana" came on the stereo again right as we hit the country road and rolled down the windows. I belted out that song to my girl and thought about my aunt Marilyn and how much I miss her and what a kick she would get riding in the car belting out the songs with us and I felt so happy.