Aging is not for the faint of heart. In January 2020, I hit a huge milestone -turning 50. It was before the whole world changed and I celebrated with all my most favorite people and cake.
My body, life and the world shifted cataclysmically in the following months. I gained almost 30 pounds and stopped coloring my hair. It is hard to know if the weight was just aging or staying home eating, drinking and moving very little - but I am no longer the skinny, black haired kid, I used to be. It has been difficult.
I am learning to love my body. I swim, I cook, I read, I think, I laugh, I cuddle the pets and the children. I love my husband.
And yet, I am struggling with the person I see in the mirror and photos. I don't like her round face, her white hair seems to wash out her wrinkled face. Last weekend I was at a wedding shower for a sweet, young friend. She is brilliant and sparkling. As one often is when about to be married. We took a picture together and all I could see was what was wrong with me. I do not want to live like this. I started to think about what I could change. I don't want to live like that either.
I thought about it this morning as I was swimming, I began with this... my face is good, my body is good, my face is good, my body is good. Breathe in. Breathe out. My face is good, my body is good.
I am not looking for external confirmation that I am "looking great for my age". I am learning to love the body I have, right now. The wrinkles, the folds, the giggly parts, the strong muscles, the kindness in my blue eyes, the hair that reminds me of my beautiful grandmother and all the other parts. I will love this body and this face. Dear ones, look in the mirror today and if you can't say it yourself, hear me say: Your face is good, your body is good - right here, right now. You don't need to fix it, make it bigger or smaller, younger or prettier. You are beautiful